HUH!

I thought it only gets better, sweeter, less thoughts, more products.

The other day as i was seated in a shuttle on my way from Eldoret, I'm not sure what triggered this thought but i remember asking the person seated next to me, now a friend, whether there is someone who can stand and say, "aah! I have it all figured out now!" As i write this, my face is getting those creases that tend to form a smile because, a few blogs past i remember thinking and writing how i have gotten the formula and the key to life. :D :D :D Ok, now it is soo funny.


But I insist, so there is the thought of destiny and purpose. two words that were almost always my prayers for so long, until one day I had to whisper to myself that God has ears and He has heard me and He must be in the process of answering me in my day to day life. (Pause for effect) .

What caused this battle within? is waking up everyday and thinking that I do not know how to live. I used to actually have this feeling almost everyday; and the teacher that I could go to at any hour and as many times as I could was and still is God, and so i used to ask Him, please teach me how to live this life. I just don't know how to. I used to see everyone has it all together and i'm the only one who feels like what i really want in life is almost in the wish-list-may-never-come-land.

It reached a point in time when i had to do away with the dreams, the wants, the needs and the wishlist and just be content with what comes my way. I was content, happy? I don't know, I can't tell. But grateful? Oh Yes, i used to be overwhelmed with gratitude.

I looked at the old women waking up very early to get groceries from the main market to come and resell, the young mother who would be in the same business, the farmer who was in the same business and they would share a roof in the  estate marketplace and I asked myself over and over again, so is this where they are all supposed to be? does this old lady have children? what about grand children? has she ever stopped and asked herself whether this is where she wants to be in life? has it ever occurred to her that she can have a different life?

The other set of questions that would plague me was when i saw people streaming in church every sunday morning. I wondered, so what's the end game? people get saved, then live their lives going to the same church 20 years down the line, isn't there a day when someone would say, now i have heard enough teachings? what's the gauge, where is the growth showing? how assured are we that it's not all a waste of time.

This is what I thought i knew, we get to a certain corner (don't ask me which one?), we are handed a formula, and then all the problems are handled by just using the formula. Hence my opening statements, Should we reach a point where it's just hush, no more questions, just answers...