I Love you!

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"I love you" A simple three letter sentence that I have noticed I struggle with. I have come to this realization because as my daughter is growing up, I am often overwhelmed by the feeling of love and I want to tell her  that I love her, but immediately I am about to whisper it to her, I break into song.

"I love you, you love me
we are a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
won't you say you love me too?"

How African and conservative is that?

When my husband sees me talking to someone several times he assumes I have become friends with that person. So, when we are talking and he happens to mention, I saw you have been friends with so and so? I am usually appalled and I get defensive, "Who, me? No, we are not friends, we say hi to each other and do small talk but we are not friends?"

Let me bring home the connection, this shows I have some major trust issues. It takes forever for me to actually call someone my friend, now you can imagine the love bit. See, Love and trust go together. I may love someone, or people but the best I can do is to show them that I love them by not hurting them; by being cordial and by doing things they like but actually mentioning it and publicly declaring it is what I rarely rarely do.

I love my parents but I rarely mention it to them. When I call them without any specific reason and I am just checking up on them, for me, I have said I love you through this action. I check up on my siblings once in a while, when i correct the young ones harshly, it means i have told them I love them in a very african way!

Who will rescue us?  This is the kicker though, I want to be told that i'm loved, especially by my husband. Ok, it used to be the dating days that I used to like hearing it. Now that we are so married and doing life, I don't even remember that I need to hear it.

What is making me 'woke' about this, is that I had no idea I was suffering from this. I knew I was a fresh  breed, nothing like my parents. But with this new information, i'm shook to the core wondering what more will I find out about myself?

Is it fear? is it that I don't want the people I love to know and get a big head or what? The fact that I am writing about it though means I am ready to start the change process, so, 'I love you!'

This is my resolution days to the end of the year 2018 and forever... I would like to end all my phone call conversations with, 'I love you' of course to all my loved ones. I want kiss my daughter goodbye in the morning and whisper my love to her, I want to tell my husband I love him every chance I  get, before and after an argument or a discussion.

Moral of the story, Life is to short to hold back love. Please let's start dishing out some love!





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