Realistic Fiction

Warm bright Saturday, birds chirping, Mshefi stands before the mirror adjusting his bow-tie - a slight forlorn look in his eyes. He looks sharp(as you wouldd expect), opens his ring-case n gazes at the ring; shrugs n sighs - adjusts his look once more and after he’s satisfied with the final looks; he goes 2 the chimes of church bells n traditional wedding song n dance. Mshefi can’t wait to see her bride, his hands and armpits are sweating from anxiety despite the chilly morning temperatures. This is the day he had been looking forward to since he made up his mind to finally settle down. He never thought he would ever do this and nobody saw it coming.

Mshefi:                ‘hurry up Kobe; I can’t afford to be late for my wedding.’

Kobe:                    ‘haha, yes sure Mshefi, for once you’ll be on time on something, lest Bahati gets there before you.’

(Mshefi  gives Kobe a concerned look)

‘ok, ok, no more joking about that. Anything u want to tell me before we take the final bow?’

Mshefi:                (almost immediately) no

Kobe:                    Come on, no last words, you’re sure, ya kindugu?

Mshefi:                hahaha thanks Bro. for everything (they’re hugging)

Kobe:                    Whatever you say, just know that I’ll always be here for you.

(the hug is disrupted by the hooting cars and louder women singing and dancing)

(In church, a whisper going round, Mshefi throws glances in the church and sees a handful of distant relatives and friends on his side of the church and he sees the benches full on Bahati’s side of the church and this make him smile.)

Kobe:                    (whispers to Mshefi) Oh my God!

Mshefi:                                (whispers) what??

Kobe:                    she is so beautiful; when u see her you will want to marry her.

Mshefi:                (loud whisper) Kobe stop it!

By now the wedding procession has finally reached the front and the bridesmaids and groomsmen have neatly part ways to let the bride come in.

(The wedding proceeds as planned and before long Mshefi and Bahati are pronounced husband and wife)

(Outside the church, groups of friends and family exchange greetings while taking photos alongside the bride and groom)

Pat:                        Hey, congrats Mshefi, I’m so proud of you

Mshefi:                Thank you bro, it’s the one of the best feelings in the world

Pat:                        can we take a picture with the couple of the day?

Mshefi:                sure why not?

Pat:                        Hey shorty come say hi to the bride and groom, they want us to take a picture with them

Shorty:                 Hi, Mshefi, Hi Bahati congratulations on your wedding day

(Pat and Shorty stand beside each other in the middle of the bride and groom and they smile for the camera)

(A  year later, Mshefi and Bahati are seen entering their new house after a morning jog)

Mshefi:                                Hey hun, you got some good speed

Bahati:                  yes I do, I’ve been telling you I am way fit; I take the stairs instead of the elevators in the office.

Mshefi:                don’t flatter yourself, I let you win.

Bahati:                  Yeah right you did. (Smiling)

Mshefi:                 How about that backrub you promised?( winks)

Bahati:                  Please remind me, seems to have escaped my mind

Mshefi:                Honey, seems I have to introduce myself to you every morning, if u can’t even remember the backrub you promised yesterday before you slept (jokingly)

Bahati:                  (with a hoarse voice) Ok, son, come to mama for a backrub

Mshefi:                                That was easy (smiling sheepishly as he follows her inside)

(Laughs, a scream, a slap, and a few more laughs running around the house. After about an hour or so…)

                                I wouldn’t mind breakfast when packaged like that

Bahati:                  oh don’t get so comfortable, you’ll start earning them now…Mshefi,  I have to go visit my mum today evening, she couldn’t wait and I’m tired of explaining things to her through the phone.

Mshefi:                                what time will you be back?

Bahati:                  I can’t tell, you know my mum (rolls her eyes) but your food will be ready, just in case I come late

Mshefi:                so I don’t wait up?

Bahati:                  you said it, but I’ll get there early so we can finish all the talk early before dad gets there

(Bahati at her mum’s place)

Ma:        Tell me everything dear, and yes, seems things are really good, you have a glow.

Bahati:                  Thanks mum.

 Ma:                       You’re welcome dear. So? How have you been? You know I can’t hold on any more.

Bahati:                  Ok, ok, ok, it was ….really great. I thank God for every bit of it. Who would have thought we would have made it? I mean with all that pressure to get everything right. A year down the line and we are still here.

 Ma:                       I know honey, so how is your husband?

Bahati:                  she’s fine ma, you talk as if I’m all so grown now. I still need all the advice I can get.

 Ma:                       I know dear, I’m your mum, you can always ask anything you want to know, anything at all alright?

Bahati:                  (hesitates before answering) Ok, ma thanks ( smiles)

(SILENCE)

Ma:                        I know that smile, spill

Bahati:                   There’s nothing, it is too early

Ma:                        Too early for what Bahati? Oh dear, don’t tell me you people are trying already?

Bahati:                  trying what?

Ma:                        I’ve been there before honey. So sit yourself down and face me and tell me all that’s going on.

(silence)

Bahati:                  You know the way Mshefi  loves kids,…(lets it hang in the air)

Ma:                        Yes I do, but I thought you went through that with him and decided you will do it only when both of you are ready. Right?

Bahati:                  Right

Ma:                        so? Did the two of you agree?

Bahati:                  we did actually,

Ma:                        (almost immediately) then why do you seem depressed about it?

Bahati:                  Because its not happening

Ma:                        Come on honey, you’re talking as if you were born yesterday, who doesn’t know it takes time, needs to get the body relaxed and in good shape

Bahati:                  When else would I be relaxed more than that year surrounded by love and comfort?

Ma:                        I don’t want to hear a word about it now; I don’t think you have done anything. This is just the beginning.

Bahati:                  Ok, Ma thanks a lot, I have to rush to church now for practice a little before getting back home to my husband. Bye mum (she hugs her mum)

Ma:                        How you kids grow fast, it was just the other day,….

Bahati:                  (almost immediately) don’t even start mum, I’m sure I know where that’s headed, Love you, kisses, (almost a shout) say hi to dad for me.

(Leaves in a rush)

(After church practice, Bahati and her friends are seen strolling from church)

Grace:                   So Bahati, how have you been? I can tell things are good, you are looking great.

Bahati:                  Really? I Thank God, things are just….you know, life.

Mercy:                  What do you mean? Tell us how marriage is? How is Mshefa by the way?

Bahati:                  He is very ok. I’m sure he’s about to call and ask where I am, could you girls excuse me? I want to rush home (as if to leave before her name is called)

Rahab:                  Bahati, Bahati wait up girl, I want to talk to you, Please

Bahati:                  Oh dear, this girl never wraps up (the other girls laugh at that)

Mercy:                  so you have also realized

Rahab:                  Hi dear, it’s been a while, how you holding up? When am I being an aunt? A godmother?

Bahati:                  soon dear, soon keep praying and hoping

Rahab:                  really? I thought there was some good news I had to get out of you

Bahati:                  no, not really no. In the fullness of time

Rahab:                  Really? I know Mshefi wants kids now?  You know he talks to Kobe so I know.

Bahati:                  Yeah, mum says we still haven’t tried enough, so I’m hoping for the best this coming year.

Rahab:                  ok dear, I’ll pray with you, but if you need anything at all. I know a certain doctor who could check you up.

Bahati:                  no, come on, we just need to try again; when we have settled now and see what happens.

(three months later. Bahati is seen to be making a call, at night. Almost a whisper)

Bahati:                  (making a call) Hi Dear, how have you been hun, ….i’m great, been good thanks. I just wanted to ask you for that doctor you were telling me about, could I get his contacts?...no there is nothing wrong, I was just thinking I could visit the doctor and get a little advice..ok…thanks a lot. Hope you are doing good yourself? ..ok thanks dear. Have a good night dear.

(The next day: Mshefi and Bahati are seen having a quiet meal in their house)

Bahati:                  I saw a doctor today

Mshefi:                                what do you mean? Are you not feeling well?

Bahati:                  No, not really,

Mshefi:                                I thought you just said you saw a doctor today

Bahati:                  I did, but could you just..

Mshefi:                Oh ok, please finish

Bahati:                  a doctor that Rahab suggested would help in us getting kids

Mshefi:                and?

Bahati:                  and he had me made an appointment for the both of us to see him.

Mshefi:                                so you have made the appointment already I suppose?

Bahati:                  I had to

Mshefi:                Oh, I thought something like that should have been discussed before; but I guess you know what’s better for us? So?

Bahati:                  it’s not like that. See, we have been trying to get a baby for the past 16months and the wait is a bit too much, so I just thought

Mshefi:                                Its ok dear, (holds her hand) everything will be ok. When is the appointment?

Bahati:                 Its two weeks after now.

Mshefi:                its ok, I’m sure you’ll remind me before then

 (We see Mshefi and Bahati in bed, at night, Mshefi is asleep and Bahati is awake. Mshefi turns and sees Bahati awake..)

Mshefi:                Hey dear

Bahati:                  Hey

Mshefi:                                What time is it? Why aren’t you asleep?

Bahati:                  I can’t sleep, I don’t know why.

Mshefi:                                Are you ok?

Bahati:                  yeah, I’m fine, maybe just anxious about tomorrow

Mshefi:                Come on, you said it yourself that we are just going to be checked and maybe a little talk; that shouldn’t keep you awake, come on now, try and get some sleep

Bahati:                  I don’t know, I just… (she lets it hang in the air)

Mshefi:                (almost immediately, a loud whisper) shhhh, I don’t want to hear another word about it, until the doctor says something that will make us stay awake indeed; doing the deed, you know what I mean..

Bahati:                  (smiling) you’re silly, but it’s true.

Mshefi:                                Ok, now goodnight.

Bahati:                  goodnight dear.

Mshefi:                                I love you Mshefi’s wifey

Bahati:                  love you too Mshefi

(fade out)

Mshefi:                                Honey, you heard what the doc said right?

Bahati:                  Yes, I did.

Mshefi:                So? You want us to give it a shot? And please stop looking like you’re always on a funeral..cheer up now,

Bahati:                  I am happy just a little thoughtful

Mshefi:                Thinking about what? Talk to me (silence) mmh? You know it takes two of us to make a baby right?

Bahati:                  yes, yes, it does

Mshefi:                then why do you seem like you want to bear the burden alone?  You want to tell me anything?

(Silence…they exchange glances)

                                Okay, you know what dear, I think we should take a break from all this.

Bahati:                  (almost jumping out of her seat) really?

Mshefi:                Yeah

Bahati:                  you’re sure about this?

Mshefi:                                Yes sure why not? We are together forever right?

Bahati:                  (wakes up and pecks Mshefi on the cheek) Thanks honey. You’re the best.

                (Bahati is seen running out of the room, Mshefi looks at her as she leaves the room)

(Mshefi is seen, picking up his sports bag and leaves a note for Bahati. Later on after football, Mshefi and Kobe are seen walking home after soccer)

Kobe:                    Mshefi, what’s wrong? You played worse than a girl today

Mshefi:                                was it that bad?

Kobe:                    (amazed) how can you even ask that?  You know you sucked.

Mshefi:                maybe I’m just tired.

Kobe:                    When you are tired, you play like any of us, but today you were totally off, anyway tired from what? Exactly?

Mshefi:                                (looks at Kobe, about to say something then changes his mind and continues walking)

Kobe:                    Mshefi are you good?

Mshefi:                                Kobe I’m just really exhausted.

Kobe:                    OK, now I’m very concerned with what the matter is?

Mshefi:                (looks from right to left, then calls Kobe close ) sit here I tell you something

Kobe:                    I’m listening

Mshefi:                but this is only a hunch, but a strong one, so it stays between us, not even your wife Kobe

Kobe:                    (signals to show his lips are sealed)

Mshefi:                                It’s about Bahati. I think there’s something wrong with our queen.

Kobe:                    really? I’m so sorry, but I’m sure it’s something that can be worked on?

Mshefi:                Did I start by saying it’s a strong hunch? Let me paint the picture for you, so you help me think this through. Our dear lovely lady spends most of her nights staring in the darkness, deep in thought, i wonder whether there’s anything more to this ‘baby thing’ that I do not know. I try to talk to her but it’s as if she has retreated to a shell that I can’t reach, and as it is, I feel like I’m left out on this trying to get a baby, I thought this is when we’re supposed to be so close, telling each other our thoughts and feelings, the changing emotions, so when she leaves me out, I wonder how I’m supposed to operate alone.

I don’t know whether it is the issue that’s still disturbing her, or there’s something else attached to it. I had plans for us, I saw so much in us that I never thought anything would break us this much, or maybe this is how she reacts and then she’ll come out of it? I don’t know.

Kobe:                    Oh, Man I’m so sorry that this is what you’re going through Mshefi, how come you have never said anything?

Mshefi:                I am now; I thought everything would be fine; I thought it would be a thing for just one night and the next day we would be back to normal after ironing that out

Kobe:                    I really don’t know what to think. But I’m sure you know her better, so you would be able to see more into the situation; but you said you used to go the hospital together; does she talk during your doctor’s visits?

Mshefi:                It’s been a while since we were last there, we finished them all, before she receded to this great shell, I guess she was disappointed by the fact that none of us had any problem to show for not being  productive

Kobe:                    Maybe that’s the big reason

Mshefi:                Then why does she seem, rather why does she chose to bear the burden alone, I’m thinking, it’s just a matter of time and it will happen

Kobe:                    I think so too

Mshefi:                You want to know something, today in the morning, before she left the house I told her, we take a break from all this trying, and she jumped out of her seat in excitement and even pecked me just because of that.

Kobe:                    Must have weighed heavily on her.

Mshefi:                Yeah, so anyway (sighs) I have plans for a getaway for the both of us, to get away from all the busy life and just get to a quiet place, you know even if she won’t talk to me, she will at least get some sleep I hope and smile for me like the one lady queen I still adore

Kobe:                    Wow, good idea, I’m sure it’ll do well to the both of you.

Mshefi:                (smiling) I guess it wasn’t so hard after all, talking really does help

Kobe:                    (laughing) most definitely it does, do you still doubt your manhood, still think you’re less of a man when you do certain things, like talk to a friend about some issue?

Mshefi:                you think it’s not? (Gesturing by shaking the hand)

Kobe:                    what? Soppy? Soft? Marshy?

Mshefi:                yeah?

Kobe:                    (laughing) ease up bro. a real man gets in touch with all his facets, to bring out the best in him. I salute you though, you’re handling it well. Just don’t let it get the best of you

Mshefi:                                mmh, I love this lady, I have no choice, it totally affects me.

(they continue walking, Mshefi does a small jog and throws Kobe the ball)

Kobe:                    (thoughtful) wait up Mshefi, did you say the two of you have finished seeing the doc

Mshefi:                                yeah, sure.

Kobe:                    oh ok, just something I remembered about last week, Rahab saying she was taking Bahati to some clinic, anyway (shrugs the shoulders) maybe it’s a girl’s thing?

Mshefi:                Last week? Eerrm, I see. Yeah maybe it was.

(Kobe now throws the ball at Mshefi, to go on with the jog)

Can I just rush home if you don’t mind? I just remembered I have to be somewhere and It had totally escaped my mind

Kobe:                    oh, ok you better run then

Mshefi:                                Later bro, and thanks

Kobe:                    (Mshefi breaks into a run and Kobe shouts) keep in touch; I don’t have to make an appointment to see you.

(Mshefi and Bahati talking in the house, Bahati is seen folding clothes, while Mshefi is perusing thru the TV channels)

Mshefi:                Hey babe,

Bahati:                  Yeah

Mshefi:                When did you say your leave starts?

Bahati:                  Next week. Why?

Mshefi:                I was thinking of a get-away, actually not just thinking, I have it all planned out

Bahati:                  (In shock but not happy) really? Isn’t it a bit late for telling me that now?

Mshefi:                Come on honey, I thought the reason why we don’t do much its coz of that work, now work is out of the way, it’s about time to do a little play( Smiling) or what do you think?

Bahati:                  So how long is this get-away?

Mshefi:                I would want it to be so long, that when we get back you might not want to see me, but unlucky for me I only get two weeks from you

Bahati:                  two weeks? Come on dear?  I had plans you know?

Mshefi:                Yeah, you still have this weekend to reschedule and the other two weeks to do all that. I’m sure your leave is a month.

Bahati:                  Yes it is.

Mshefi:                So?

Bahati:                  I guess it’s a yes, you said the plan is as good as ready.

Mshefi:                Yes, yes, it is.

Bahati:                  See you then….. (Takes her basket of clothes and leaves the room)

Mshefi:                What do you mean see you then, we live in the same house, you know

Bahati:                  (heard shouting and laughing) all the best with that Mr.  .. see you in get-away land

Mshefi:                (is seen to be smiling and shaking the head, then the smile disappears and he seems deep in thought, then loud whispers)

                                If only she knew….., but a man’s got to do, what a man’s got to do. Damn, I have to be able to trust my wife, not doing creepy things like investigating her, but she hasn’t made it easy for me either.

Bahati:                  My dear husband, are you talking to yourself?

Mshefi:                (Almost jumping out of his seat) what? No? Did I? Maybe you heard me singing; these days you crawl through floors, come on?

Bahati:                  You really do need the get-away, so one little detail. The venue?

Mshefi:                Venue?

Bahati:                  Venue for our two-weeks get-away?

Mshefi:                You know me better than that babe; you know I have to leave room for surprises

Bahati:                  I’m sure if you had your way you would have just whisked me away without telling me it’s a get-away, sort of kidnap me

Mshefi:                Yeah, only I need someone to do some organized packing

Bahati:                  (laughing) yeah, you’re so right about that. So I’m not getting any hints?

Mshefi:                Where did your love of surprises go to? I’m not giving you anything?

Bahati:                  Even if I beg?

Mshefi:                Try me

Bahati:                  (clicks and starts to walk away) yeah, so you can have a good laugh and I still get nothing, I’m done with begging, I’ll wait and see

Mshefi:                And of course you will try to break me

Bahati:                  maybe

Mshefi:                I’m armed, all-round armed, even if it means stitching my lips together until that day

Bahati:                  The things you say Hun (leaves the room). Let the games begin

Mshefi:                (shouts) you’re on!

Bahati:                  I’m off for brunch with the girls, I’m sure they will have thoughts to give about my leave plans

Mshefi:                Enjoy.

Bahati:                  I’m sure I will.

(Bahati is seen walking with Rahab, she seems disturbed)

Rahab:                  You know you better have a good reason as to why you made me leave the house so much earlier.

Bahati:                  Trust me, I do.

Rahab:                  Really, what is it about?

Bahati:                  Mshefi has decided that we are going for a get-away for two weeks.

Rahab:                  Ok,

Bahati:                  You know he has no idea about the doc visits.

Rahab:                  What?

Bahati:                  And I had agreed with the doc, that this leave is when we should finish this procedure

Rahab:                  Oh dear

Bahati:                  I know, and I was supposed to be visiting after every two days,

Rahab:                  And is there any way you could tell Mshefi about it?

Bahati:                  Unless you want me dead, I cannot. Ok, not that he’ll kill me, but I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me

Rahab:                  Ok, so what’s the other option?

Bahati:                  I suppose going to the doc and I tell him to give me the shots for two weeks and I will go with them

Rahab:                  and who will be giving you the shots? Yourself ? Come on

Bahati:                  It must be hard

Rahab:                  How about you just make the visits from the get-away

Bahati:                  Mshefi wouldn’t tell me the venue, I asked he said that’s the surprise, what do I do? Please help me think

Rahab:                  I am really thinking of a way out, and if you boycott the whole get-away?

Bahati:                  I know, that seems like the only thing to do; but how?

Rahab:                  What would be the excuse?

Bahati:                  I don’t know, let’s come up with one, Rahab Rahab, I feel so guilty, but you totally understand right?

Rahab:                  (nodding the head, to mean yes) but what I didn’t know is that Mshefi did not know about the doctor visits

Bahati:                  This is because he just told me to sit and wait and it will just happen, and he also doesn’t know a minor detail that happened to me a while back in college

Rahab:                  Oh come on,

Bahati:                  No judging

Rahab:                  (Very fast) I’m not, I won’t, I’m just..you mean the incident with…

Bahati:                  (almost immediately) yes, yes

Rahab:                  Oh!

Bahati:                  How was I just supposed to tell him?

Rahab:                  You would have told him in those dating days, right now it would be totally past you.

Bahati:                  Yeah right. We all have those secrets, you know

Rahab:                  (Silence)

(Bahati looks at her, alarmed)

Bahati:                  You want to tell me your hubby knows everything about you?

Rahab:                  (nods the head to mean yes)

Bahati:                  Really? Ok, so I’m the bad one, let’s get past that, you’re my friend; you’re supposed to be on my side. Right?

Rahab:                  I am still your friend, just that bit does not add up, and I have to be able to point it out. Right?

Bahati:                  aaaarrrgh, ok fine. Are you going to help me think? Or not?

Rahab:                  Ok, what would make Mshefi abort mission get-away?

Bahati:                  Now that’s my friend

Rahab:                  I have an idea, ….what if we wait and you go for the get-away then….., then, you can tell me where the venue is and come up with a strategy from there

Bahati:                  How about? I just don’t go, or ma will get me out of this?

Rahab:                  Please don’t involve your mum in this; it will not look good when it blows up

Bahati:                  Ok, then, I have to go; Please let me know as soon as you come up with something to get me out of this. Deal ?

Rahab:                  Deal. Where you off to? Thought we had brunch?

Bahati:                  Please send my apologies; let me get a few things done just in case my mission of aborting get-away fails. Enjoy for two

Rahab:                  I will, all the best dear, we talk later.

Bahati:                  Yes, we will.

(Mshefi and Bahati are seen seated at the airport waiting lounge, they both look unsettled)

Mshefi:                Are you as excited as I am?

Bahati:                  Well, let me see, you know where we are going and I don’t.; so of course the levels of excitement are expected to be different.

Mshefi:                Come on, you have a hint though; I know I married a bright woman

Bahati:                  (A smile then pecks him on the cheek.)

                                (A call comes in, its Bahati’s phone ringing, she picks it and makes it as brief as possible)

Bahati:                  Yes,… yeah …., (laughs) , no not really,……. aha,……. He’s right here, (looks at Mshefi) .. ok, I will say hi.bye.

Mshefi:                Who was that?

Bahati:                  Rahab. She said hi

Mshefi:                Too early to start missing us, didn’t I mention rule number one for this get-away

Bahati:                  I don’t remember you saying anything

Mshefi:                phones off

Bahati:                  is it that religious?

Mshefi:                I’m so serious, by the way. I want us to get in touch with ourselves and each other

Bahati:                  aaaaw, how did I manage to get myself a good husband like you?

Mshefi:                Are you sure it’s not the other way round. Come to think of it, who asked who out first?

Bahati:                  I did of course, someone was buying time and I couldn’t take another minute.

Mshefi:                no, you didn’t. You came to talk to me and I suggested.

Bahati:                  So I took the bold step and stopped the long stares

Mshefi:                In my defense you looked..

Bahati:                  Intimidating? (Her phone rings)

Mshefi:                No, no no

Bahati:                  How did I look then? (a second ring, she looks at it)

Mshefi:                I’m saying no, you’re not going to pick that, it’s like the get-away started already.

Bahati:                  (a third ring) I really have to get it. Would you please excuse me?

Mshefi:                aaarrrgh, ok go ahead

                                (As soon as she picks the call, Mshefi starts is all over her, tickling and trying to distract her and she’s trying to stop herself from laughing)

Bahati:                  Hallo, yes…no… I mean yes Doctor. No I mean no, I might not make it this week as agreed. Please let me call you back.

Mshefi:                What was that about?

Bahati:                  About how Intimidating I looked before you asked me out.

Mshefi:                No, Doctor, I will not make it this week.

Bahati:                  Oh that, (she looks away) I will tell you.

Mshefi:                (entangles himself from her and sits up straight) tell me.

Bahati:                  Just some doctor I have been seeing

Mshefi:                why?

Bahati:                  He’s helping me with fertility stuff, you know those things, they use complicated names I don’t get it.

Mshefi:                Why do you see him then, if you don’t understand?

SILENCE

                                When were you planning to tell me?

Bahati:                  I had not yet thought that out exactly but of course

Mshefi:                Did you just hear yourself say that? Do you know how wrong it is for me to learn about something like that from somebody else? Especially when it’s a friend?

Bahati:                  You did? From whom? Wait, are you saying this is not the first time you hear this..

Mshefi:                Does it really matter? Do you think its fair to keep things from me

Bahati:                  You’re not going to play the victim here when you don’t even know what this is about

Mshefi:                Don’t I Bahati? Don’t I know how you have been behaving lately towards me?

Bahati:                  Come on dear, you know how busy I have been

Mshefi:                Busy is not an excuse for shutting me out and have me feel like i have to take you somewhere so that I can get in touch with you.

Bahati:                  What? Is that what this was about? A get-away indeed! I am going back home

(mshefi and Bahati are seen entering their house, wearing long faces)

Mshefi:                I’m sorry

Bahati:                  (puts her hand up) don’t say it

Mshefi:                I sincerely am sorry for spoiling our get-away but you didn’t leave me no choice when u decide to retreat in a cocoon and you don’t speak to me

Bahati:                  So you go spying on me?

Mshefi:                I am mortified, if you could..

Bahati:                  You know what? Never mind, I have stopped what I was doing coz anyway it was supposed to be helping us

Mshefi:                Please don’t give me that, you see a doctor behind my back and tell me that you were helping us. I thought we closed that chapter.

Bahati:                  I wanted to go the extra mile to make you happy, I know how much you like kids…

Mshefi:                Stop right there, I do like kids very much, but you know what?  This is a marriage; we are supposed to be doing things like that together

Bahati:                  (she starts tearing) the extra mile I went to please you

Mshefi:                And in the long run, you push me farther away; Is it really about me, and what I want?  What I like? or about your married girlfriends? They all have their firstborns, or is it about what your mum says? What the society expects of us?

Bahati:                  (she looks at him disbelievingly) How can you even ask that?

Mshefi:                I know how you go around picking stuff, advice, who said what about this, it’s usually done like this or like that in so and so’s house, that’s all you say nowadays. You make us look like we don’t have brains and we can’t make our own rules, and do it the way we understand it, you want to use some foreign yardstick and …..

Bahati:                  Wow, all I do, the research, the miles and miles I go talking to different people is to try and bring the best out of this, and ..i pray about everything I bring to our table, be it advice from mum, and the rest..

Mshefi:                I’m sorry I don’t feel it, we have the power to create, and create in this sense means, that we come up with our own routine, our way of doing stuff, our manner of ….just about everything, but it feels like its just about you…out to outdo..

Bahati:                  Out-do…?( she lets it hang in the air..)

Mshefi:                (with a cold stare) It seems to me that you out to prove something to yourself and all those people you are trying to keep tabs with. If you love me and you are busy trying to make something happen because of my-our happiness as you claim then I would be involved.

Bahati:                  I..I…I, I can’t believe you can even think that I am trying to keep tabs with anyone, you know how I feel about comparison in life…

Mshefi:                (as if he didn’t hear what she said) what happened to the vows we made to each other? We didn’t mention any kids anywhere. Kids were not part of the package, you made a vow to me and I made a vow to you

Bahati:                  But this is exactly what I am trying to do, I am trying to work out just one of the situations, its like I’m trying to serve us joy, so I’m in the kitchen cooking it, and this is what it takes

Mshefi:                Really? Is that what you think this is; my biggest problem is I am left out, I am not in the picture;  when you’re in the kitchen cooking or trying to prepare some meal, I know you are there, doing exactly that; Now  I don’t know where you are, what you are doing? What you think about this thing called marriage? And if this is your way of sorting out just one of the situations then…

Bahati:                  Then what? Then what Mshefi?

Mshefi:                May God help us, because this is just the start, and you know what we’re stuck together forever, so you may want to let me in when you decide to go the kitchen and make me another joyous meal.

Bahati:                  I don’t think you have tried asking

Mshefi:                Oh come on, you don’t want me to get started on how many times, I have asked and you just smile at me, at times you say nothing, I find you staring at night when we’re supposed to be sleeping, it’s like you feel pain when I lay my hand on you, I don’t know what to make of you anymore, tell me what happened to my wife

Bahati:                  Is it that bad?

Mshefi:                I had to organize for a get-away to try and get close to someone I share a bed with, do you really want to know how bad it is.

Bahati:                  I was doing it for us

Mshefi:                Which part of us is helped when you act like that again?

SILENCE

I am sorry dear, but you have made me be someone else, and I don’t like it; always wondering what you could be thinking, the other evening I was feeling guilty about spying on you, coz it did feel like that to me, We don’t do family altar anymore, like we used to pray together and you would know what I’m struggling with and vice versa, but now it’s you and I, not bubbly us, people who couldn’t sit in different couches in the living room; now when I’m in the room, you have reason not be there, the silence is not comfortable anymore, you…

Bahati:                  You don’t know how many times I have wished that you knew, that you knew the thoughts in my heart, the battle I have inside, the uncertainty and that if you only knew how much it matters to me that we get a child, I want it so so so badly, maybe you are right, I am trying to prove something about myself to myself, but not to anyone. There’s a tag of war, there’s a voice that I don’t want to believe whispering that it can’t happen, coz I know it can happen, it happens to everyone, to those who don’t ask for it, to those who don’t care about it, to those who aren’t busy trying, it happens to them but me…..

                                (Crying) Do you want to know who people will talk about and mock if and when nothing is to come of this, it is I, it is I that they will ask questions, it is my mother the mothers will approach and ask her if she taught me all what she needed to, the girls will be on my case, do you have any idea how it feels to have an issue you cannot share, I feel like I will tell you, “I don’t know why we are not successful in getting a child and that I’m concerned about it,” but to me it hasn’t really helped, I don’t have the words to really explain the anguish, I’m worn out, each day I wake up Its among the thoughts that cross my mind, I will get a new name out there with regards to my barren situation; and I am sorry I pushed you out of the orbit of our world, I have been patient with God but I guess his one day has turned out to be a thousand for me